TantraTuesdays: Chick in a Box

If there is one thing that gets my feathers all rustled up, it's the suspicion that I'm being pigeon-holed.

I absolutely get triggered by being boxed in.  Whether by the perceptions of others, by limits in our language, by those stupid little check-off boxes demanding that I identify my relationship (identity) status when I cross the border.  If only I were a doctor, then my identity would have nothing to do with my love life. 

Don't fence me in!

This distaste for limits also comes into play when I'm attempting to define my own self.  I want it all!  I want to be everything!  I'll have what she's having.  As soon as I've chosen something, I get all squirmy and uncomfortable, like by choosing one thing I have un-chosen everything else.  What if I change my mind?

What I really love, is freedom.  I have a value I call "Delicious Freedom", which speaks to the sensual way I experience what it's like for me to be free. 

What does this have to do with Tantra?  Well, it seems that a lot of people have been going around pigeon-holing Tantra, and she doesn't like it either. 

The Paradox of Definitions

There is huge power in naming things, for better or worse.

Naming what my core values are is a very powerful tool of self-awareness.  Knowing that I value Delicious Freedom, helps me identify why I react so magnetically to some things, and feel enormous resistance or even hostility to others.  This is why with my coaching clients, one of the first things I do is help them explore and clarify what their core values are.  Values are the compass to living deeply fulfilling lives.

However, naming things can also be a way to label things, and sometimes that is more limiting than helpful.  Don't get me wrong, I want to know if I'm adding a cup of potato starch, baking soda, laundry detergent or cocaine into my mixing bowl.  However, I find that when we are talking about human beings,  labels can get in the way of exploring who we are and keeping open to all that is possible in our lives.

This is all relevant, because it is how I'm coming into the definition of Tantra.  Or, at least, the beginning of that conversation.  As a newcomer to Tantra, it seems that there is a lot of discussion about the definitions and origins of Tantra.  It reminds me of the discussion to define what Art is.  I am not confident that there will ever be an answer to either question, but I think that the discussions are where all the value lies.  And, when a definition stays in the place of discussion, it stays in the place of possibility.  I love that place.

I'm Reading a New Book

So, I'm reading a new book, and it's called Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: the key to enriching  your sexual life by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson.  This is not an official book review, as I'm only in the first chapter, but so far, I'm really liking their approach. 

Right off the bat they address the challenges of defining Tantra, providing a variety of perspectives from others and then doing their best to create a space for a working definition of Tantra for the context of their writing.  I love how they've done this.  It totally meets my value of keeping things open.

What they've done is created a list of What Tantra Is, and another of What Tantra Isn't.  Then they ask the reader to reflect on what they've read and record in a journal any ideas that came to mind while they were reading the lists.  What an excellent process!

One big myth is the one that Tantra is all about sex. 

Certainly the sex part is something that sets Tantra apart from many other practices.  The authors themselves admit that sex was the doorway through which they too discovered Tantra.  I don't think it's necessary to close that door, but I do understand the value in letting people know, once they've arrived to the party, that it may not be the 8-hour Olympic orgy they are looking for. 

It is so, so much more.

Here are three of my favourite items from the list of "What Tantra Is" in Tantra for Erotic Empowerment:

• Tantra is an ancient tradition that recognizes sexual energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment.  This sets it apart from most Western traditions and helps explain why most Westerners have reduced it to its sexual elements alone.
• Tantra is the magic of transforming your consciousness and thereby transforming your entire being.  Your body is the most powerful tool for bringing about this transformation.
• Tantra is the discipline of becoming yourself completely.  In the end, there is nothing at all to do.

Isn't that inviting?

I'm seeing Tantra as a wonderful way to open life up and bring Delicious Freedom into a mindful practice of every day.  There is also so much more for me to learn, which happens to stoke another value of mine: Continuous Growth.

Two values with one hot stone.

For more information about exploring Tantra in and around Toronto, contact the lovely Lucy Becker of TantraWorkshops.com.  Lucy is a masterful Tantra teacher with the gift of creating a safe space for powerful growth and learning.  If you are curious about what Tantra can do for you, reach out to Lucy for a conversation.  You can connect with her at 416.489.0557

Comments

[Laura]

I'm fast falling in love with Tantra Tuesdays. And I hate being boxed in! Hm, thinking of a "What I Am" and "What I'm Not" list for myself...

[Genie Sea]

I have this irresistable urge to throw my bra up in the air after reading this post, but as I am at school presently that might be a bad idea.

Woman. You have a magnetic way with words. I feel your nostrils blazing and your words searing through ignorance.

Thank you for the enlightenment. :)