the drawing board

Mosaic Meme!

(1. ...danette...2. Hearty Ravioli 3. Blind Alley 4. Gizmo 5. Maggie Gyllenhaal by Donald McPherson.jpg 6. Chivas on the Rocks 7. Race Point - Provincetown, Cape Cod 8. Ice Cream Cone Chocolate Cupcakes with Vanilla Buttercream 9. January 27, 2007 - Free Hugs in Paris, France 10. Beauty 11. Day 95: Happy Birthday to Me 12. Big Rig Jig)

I find inspiration on Jamie's blog all the time. 
This meme really got my attention and was a lot of fun to do.
Join in!

Here's how:

Below is a list of questions. Type your answer to each of the questions into Flickr search. Choose an image using only the first page that comes up, then copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker.

Here are the questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

It was quite a treat to get an email from Jamie letting me know I was celebrated on her blog.  It reminded me of how a simple act of appreciation can really make someone feel special, and how with minimal effort we can give someone the gift of being seen. 

I was on a busy streetcar once and there was a young woman sitting in front of me.  She turned around and when she saw me, she stopped and stared.  Then she smiled and said, "You are one of the most beautiful people I've seen in a long time."

My first thought: She's mentally ill, or on drugs, or both.
My second thought: Crap. Now everybody is looking at me.
My third thought: Why was my first thought that this girl could not be sober or sane?  Is it because she thinks I'm beautiful, or because she told me she thinks I'm beautiful?
Then I thought about how many times I see people I am drawn to in transit, all ages and walks of life. I try to watch them when they are swept up in a good book or conversation, when they won't notice my gaze.  Sometimes I see beauty in strangers that overwhelms me the way music can. 

And what if, what if I actually told them?

And so what if this girl is on drugs? 

It is amazing how difficult it can be to let a compliment land and accept it, no matter where it comes from.   

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU

Hooray! If you can see this video that means I have figured out how to post videos to my blog, and what a way to make an entrance! This video totally rocks me. Thanks to Michelle, you are all quality, girl. :)

Feel the Fear and Do It...Hey, I'm Locked into my Chair

That's right.

I rode it.

The Behemoth.  It was terrifying, gorgeous (love the yellow and orange) and so wildly smooth.  The seats were beautifully designed but no, I didn't forget that I was strapped to a train of terror and wonder if I were nestled into a movie theater.  Not for one second.

This week I was at Canada's Wonderland, a truly awesome fun park just north of Toronto.  In the group of fantastic people I was there with, was a 20 year old woman from Germany who is touring through Canada and is staying in Toronto for a few months.  She had never been to an amusement park and never been on a roller coaster.  The Behemoth was her first coaster ride ever.  She loved it.

My first roller coaster was Scooby-Doo's Ghoster Coaster.  That one is a little bit smaller.  And, as we rode it again as adults (I sat in the front seat...all by myself!) I noticed a sign that said this ride was built by the Philadelphia Toboggan Company.  I was happy to find out that they don't specialize in toboggans, they actually build roller coasters.

The first hill of the Behemoth is so steep and so high, that I screamed the life out of me until about half way down.  Half way down the hill I was beyond terrified; my mouth and eyes remained frozen open while I stopped breathing and couldn't make a sound.  The angle of descent is approximately 75 degrees, going 125 km an hour (77 miles).

Scooby-Doo's Ghoster Coaster: 56.3 km/hr. (35 miles)

After that, I was hooting and whooping over the remaining hills with my arms up in the air, euphorically delirious.  I highly recommend getting back on that saddle.  I felt desperately alive.

But it wasn't easy getting on that train.  I needed my friends around me, joining me and making ill jokes like don't worry, if we die, we'll all die together! The most challenging part of the ride, was not unlike the most challenging part of my eye surgery, and most things in life: making the commitment.   Once I sat in the seat and willingly heard the click of my pelvic restraint (for the roller coaster, not the eye surgery) there was nothing left to do but let go and enjoy the ride.

Or, clutch my pelvic restraint, scream like a banshee, and enjoy the ride. :)

What's Not Working Here?

There is great value in the huge, nasty messes in your life.

This includes the huge, nasty relationships, jobs, choices and situations you find yourself in.  Maybe you had a real strong hand in getting yourself there, or maybe it feels like the huge nasty mess just came out of nowhere.  Either way, there's gold in them hills.

When I ask a client what their values are, they don't always know.  I am still discovering my values tweak and shift as I continue to explore what is most important to me, what is my essence?  There are many ways of exploring what your core values are, and I find that one of the most powerful ways for me is looking in the huge, nasty messes.

I had a series of experiences over the weekend that were very very powerful learning opportunities...and by that I mean hugely annoying and frustrating.

And I'm serious, there is a lot of gold here.

Sometimes in the buzz and hustle of life, even with the best intentions, it takes some time to slow down long enough to relax and remember times in my life when I have felt really alive and in harmony with the things that are most important to me at my core.  But it only takes a second in the buzz and hustle to get pissed off, which is kind of awesome.  This is the same rich energy I need to really get clear on what is important to me.

And, what is important about articulating what is important to me, is that I live my life with a sense of who I am and a purposeful sense of where I'm going.  So I'm starting to see getting pissed off as a truly awesome opportunity.  That doesn't mean I'm enjoying myself, don't get me wrong.  What this perspective does for me is take away the feeling of wastefulness.  In fact, it was my strong distaste for wastefulness that made me realize how much I value purpose.  In asking why purpose is important to me, I see that purpose brings meaning to my life. Even something as seemingly trivial as an irritating commute home, on transit, foot or freeway, can reveal clues about who you are and how you want to live in the world.

This is an example of how I go mining for values.  I ask myself:

• What is not working here for me?
• What did I really want here?  What was missing?
• What exactly was it that bugged me?  What exactly was it about that?  Getting specific and boiling it down even further and further again is the key for me in getting clear about my reaction.

So, take the above photo...

There are lots for things  not working for me, and I'll tell you, one of the top runners is that shirt.

What is not working for me is the chaos, not knowing what kind of wild garden I have inherited and not knowing where to begin. The shed is ugly and falling apart.  It kinda keeps things sort of dry, and sort of safe, and looks like ass.  All of that does not work for me. 

I want a shed that is solid, efficient and gorgeous, because it becomes a major element in our yard. I want a back yard that feels like an enchanted tree house, playful, beautiful and inviting.  I want plump, luscious gardens that is hardy and beautiful, a place where I can get my hands in the dirt and get in touch with the earth and all the wisdom that stirs there.  Right now, what I want is some kind of blank slate so that I can see what I'm working with and begin to design our space.  What is missing for me is a clean place to begin creating with purpose.

After boiling it down I know that I value beauty and function in harmony.  I recognize that my physical surroundings have an enormous impact on my state of mind.  I know that it is important to me to honour my creative process by clearing space for it.

And from here, I can go out and rip through the weeds, not muttering obscenities and feeling like I'm lost in the chaos, but with the intention of taking that first action step towards my dream vision of the back yard.  Weeding is now honouring my creativity by clearing the space it needs.

And, in line with my value of beauty and function in harmony, I can also find myself a shirt to do yard work in that flatters me and makes me feel beautiful.  How might that change my mood while I'm weeding away the chaos?  I already know the answer.

Gods and Money

For me, personal growth has always been about spirituality.  Whether I choose to use the vocabulary of believers or not, there is a meaningful sense of purpose in becoming more and more of who I am.  I feel it as a sort of magic.  That euphoric rush of possibility that becomes so clear at times of growth runs deeper than feeling I've got the whole work-life balance thing in check. 

My spiritual practices include anything I do with intention.  It contains the infinite ways I communicate with myself and the universe. It includes soul searching, creative self expression, connection, imagination and celebration.  I am inspired by devotion where love resides, and am so thrilled to be living in a part of the world where I get to witness how beautiful it can be when people are free to practice the beliefs they choose, which also includes the belief that all this spiritual stuff is poop.

Some of those people are my very dear friends. :)

I have been thinking about all this a lot recently, as I have been facing up to the fact that the work I do, is spiritual work.  I knew that, but it was like I was at a work party and spirituality was lingering behind me at the punch bowl and I ran out of people to pretend to smile at across the room.  So I turned around, and said, "Oh! I didn't realize you were here."

This is a false belief I've been holding:  Spirituality and Money do not belong together. 

That is not specific enough, actually.  Because I fully support (energetically and financially) many small businesses that openly embrace their spiritual selves.  I have no problems paying for a Yoga or Nia class, for example.  Nor do I think that the instructors who facilitate those experiences should not earn a great living doing work that they love that also serves their spiritual callings.  So, I guess the real false belief is that:

Spirituality and Money do not belong together in my work.

The good news is, I can recognize that this belief is false.  False beliefs are really juicy places to dig around in.  I've done enough digging that now I actually get excited about discovering a new false belief, because I know that once I wiggle and chew through it I will feel more free--that euphoric rush of possibility I was talking about.

Speaking of possibility, I'm fascinated by this world we live in.  I'm reminded of stuff like this and wonder why I'm giving myself such a hard time.  Then I wonder if maybe there are more important things I could be doing other than searching for Jesus potato chip on Google.  Ahem.  Clearly there are household chores I'm avoiding.

As I continue to unravel and pull apart this false belief of mine, I invite your comments on this topic.  I am really curious to hear about how you experience a balance (or imbalance) in areas where spirituality and money eclipse, and not just those involving grilled cheese sandwiches.