the drawing board

Silent Stories

Two weeks ago I went on an amazing writing retreat with the truly magical Chris Kay Fraser.

Imagine this:  Waking up in a sweet little cottage on the shores of Georgian Bay, staying in silence to focus on your writing space until 3pm, a loving writing coach serving up delicious buffet breakfast and lunch as well as a bowl full of writing tips in case you get stuck, going for a walk, listening to the waves, and knowing it's almost 3pm because your adorable writing coach is signaling so with the smell of cookies baking, hearing a bell at 3pm and gathering with the five other writers to speak your fist words of the day and check in about your writing. 

And that is just taking us to 3pm.  After that, there are cottage board games, swimming, wine and yummy dinners, guitar around a campfire, writing workshops, new friends and fabulous conversation.  Oh, and fireflies.

It was an incredible treat for myself to dedicate that time to my writing, and take my creative process on a long and loving date.  There is no better place than away from the city with no internet access to be able to really hear the whispers of longing that need to be written.

The only downside to this experience was the horrifying sunburn I received on the first day.  That's what happens when you get lost in your writing and loose your sense of time.  If I hadn't had sunscreen on, I may have ended up in a hospital.  Somehow I think the purpose of the sunburn was to really make sure I slowed right down.  Because boy, I really had to.  It was not pretty.  It still isn't, but at least I can sit down painlessly.

I was amazed at how much I wrote, and the stories that burst out of me like uncontrollable laughter.  I decided to work on some memoirs.  It was so powerful to have Chris there as a midwife of our writing, I could feel worlds of difference in the attention I was able to give to my stories while being so well taken care of and supported.  It also was very powerful to know that I was surrounded by other writers, all swaddled in their own writing process, silently nearby.  Hearing what they wrote later on was so moving, I'm still on the edge of my seat to find out what they are writing next.

So often photos don't do my memory justice, but it was really glorious to see these images taken by one of the participants, photographer Michelle Yee (not to be confused with my other friend, massage therapist and Power Pod member, Michelle Yee of Soft Mechanic).  You have to check out the fun we had writing in the night sky with branches glowing from the fire.  It was magic.  Take a look at Michelle Yee's beautiful photos of the writing retreat here.  She has arranged them so beautifully, I feel like they tell a silent story of their own.

For more information about Chris Kay Fraser and how amazing she is, here is her website.  She runs truly fantastic writing courses, memoir, poetry and fiction, as well as one-on-one writing coaching.  Not in Toronto?  She also runs brilliantly inspiring Satellite classes you can do from anywhere she can reach you by mail! 

Introducing: Tantra Tuesdays

Welcome to the very first Tantra Tuesday here at The Drawing Board Blog!

I took my first Tantra 101 workshop about 6 weeks ago here in Toronto with Lucy Becker, and it was a really mind-blowing experience.  The weeks that followed were surprising for me.  There was no Tantra hangover and "back to reality" wave to crash me back into where I was before.  Instead, I found that Tantra had become a pebble in the middle of my consciousness, and the rings continue to ripple out in slow expanding tides.

Metaphorically, I just got off the plane in Tantra-Land.  I'm overdressed, but looking forward to shopping for something more comfortable at a local market.  I'm really excited and sometimes overwhelmed about all there is to explore.  I've had lunch near the airport and it was some of the best food I've ever tasted.  I can't wait to get into the villages and really get to know this place.  Everyone has been so friendly.

And somehow, it feels like I've been here before.  Somehow, I feel like this is home.

Postcards from Tantra-Land

And so, think of Tantra Tuesdays as postcards from my travels.  I'm not sure how long I'll be traveling, but I have a suspicion that I may never return.  Right now my ideas are to take the details of this journey and share with you what I'm surrounded by, what I'm sensing and what is inspiring me.  The postcards will be (still, metaphorically) gorgeous and intimate and inked with an exquisite pen.  There might be lipstick kisses on them, they might be scented with the local flavours.  If I can, every once in a while I'll send you a package with a little curious souvenir. 

Hopefully, I can make you feel like you are on this trip with me.

Hey!  Maybe you'll come and visit?  Take a detour on your backpacking route and visit me here.  You've got a place to crash in Tantra-Land.

For more information about exploring Tantra in and around Toronto, contact the lovely Lucy Becker of TantraWorkshops.com.  Lucy is a masterful Tantra teacher with the gift of creating a safe space for powerful growth and learning.  If you are curious about what Tantra can do for you, reach out to Lucy for a conversation.  You can connect with her at 416.489.0557

Sweetness

Gorgeous Blue Cupcakes baked by my dear friend, Marijke Engel

Since the Tantra workshop, many of you have been asking me if the effects of that transformative weekend are still lingering and frolicking about.  The short answer is yes, the stone has hit the pond and the ripples continue to expand in all directions.

One surprising shift has been in my appetite.  A very clear, very firm shift in my relationship to hunger.

I have found myself craving something, let's say, gorgeous blue cupcakes.  And my mind gets this familiar message, it says Hey Danette!  You know what I need right now?  A gorgeous blue cupcake.  That's what I need Danette, so go get it.  I'll be right here.  Go ahead.

But then, a new voice answers back.  A voice that is inside me, but has somehow been on mute for a very long time.  So long in fact, that I had forgotten it was even there.  This nonchalant voice says,  Nah.  It's not a blue cupcake.

That's it.  The new voice drops this bomb, and leaves me with no action plan.

And I'm left with this fabulous question.  What is it?  What am I craving?

All I know is, it's not a blue cupcake.



Exquisite Attention

A big piece of getting in touch with Tantra is slowing down to really pay exquisite attention to each of your senses.  I love the term "exquisite attention".  I wasn't one for note taking during the workshop but I did stop to capture those two words together when they left Lucy's lips.  Exquisite attention.  So beautiful. 

Slowing down to tend to each of your senses, as though you have fallen completely in love with them, is a fabulous exercise to try.  What surprised me was how it took effort to slow down that much, and the infinite beauty that is squirting out all around me at any given moment.  The beauty is always there, it is simply a matter of tuning into it.  When I do this with exquisite attention, it is wildly heart warming.

The reason why I didn't really take a lot of notes is because I prefer to let the information be absorbed in my body.  I believe that what needs to be taken in, will be taken in.  Our bodies are pretty awesome storage units, for better or worse.  It seems there is something that my body really took in without me realizing, and I'm only beginning to sense what learning that information has to offer me.

There is something I am needing, and I am being invited to sense it in a new way.


Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

I have a writing practice I return to from time to time that I like to call The Body Pages.  I write first thing in the morning with the intention of letting my body speak.  Sometimes the writing is in the form of a dialogue, where I write questions and let my body "write" the answers.  It helps for me to do this in the morning because my connection to the dreamworld is still lingering, and I find that my inner judge and editor are a little slower on the draw.

How do you tap into the wisdom of your body?  What does it mean for you to "listen" to what your body is saying? 


Life is Sweet

I'm sure you've heard people talk about chocolate (or some other favourite food) and say that it's better than sex.  I'm wondering if those people are somehow cut off from fully sensing the sweetness of their physical pleasure, the way we might be cut off from fully tasting our chocolate if we had a sinus cold and couldn't really smell it.

And not just with full on sex, but with all the ways we can sense pleasure around us. 

I wonder what each day would feel like, if I approached it like the most delicious meal I had ever savored.

Wreck This Cover: Create a Window

 

You can join in the fun of Wreck This Journal too.  It's never too late to join, all the rules are for breaking.

Visit The Next Chapter and join us.

Stab This Journal

I admit, I bought and started wrecking my journal before Jamie announced that Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith was the upcoming pick for her online bloggers book club, The Next Chapter.

But it's a long process, wrecking this journal.  And like all art, it is unclear when it is finished.  You can pick it up at anytime, and continue shaping from there.  The creative process is less of a runway and more of a river to me.  And having all of the Next Chapter Bloggers join in this destructively creative act is a great motivation for me to see where I can push my wreckage even further! 

I had a great conversation with Jamie about discovering surprising little ways that we play it safe.  Little rules like fish skeletons are woven through our seemingly rebellious acts.  There is so much to explore in this challenge to wreck our journals, which I love love love.

It's very inspiring stuff.  It has inspired my first video post!

Click Here to Watch Me Stab This Journal

Would I have been more reckless if I were not holding a camera in one hand?  Perhaps.  :)

I'm just warming up.

Marry Your Sweet Self

Today is My 8th Wedding Anniversary

Huh?

Many of you didn't know I am married, but it's true.  I am.  And not to my current partner.  If you are wondering if your invitation was lost in the mail, you were not forgotten.  It was a totally private ceremony.  Just me.

 

I was the bride, the groom, the band, the photographer, the wedding planner, and even performed the service myself.  It all took place on the beach at Toronto Island on June 7th, the day chosen because it was opposite on the calendar to my other self-celebration, my December 7th birthday. 

 

My song?  Baby, You've Got What it Takes by Dinah Washington and Brook Benton.

 

 

The Stars are Aligned

 

So not only is today my wedding anniversary, it is the Full Moon.  And not only is it the Full Moon, it's the Full Honey Moon.  And not only that, it is the only Full Moon this year that is in my very own Sagittarius sign.  I'm feeling like the universe is really trying to get my attention.  And somehow, I feel like I'm supposed to share this story with you.  Self love and celebration...where do they live for you?

 

 

Making the Commitment to Love Yourself First

 

When I proposed to myself, I was single, and deciding to surrender to "love the one you're with."  I was inspired to take charge and create the love life I wanted now, and stop waiting for someone else to come along and create it for me.

 

Of course, we've all heard stories about how once you do that the "someone else" comes out of the woodwork.  And that was true for me, though it became more of a loot bag at the end of a great self love party for one.

 

Don't get me wrong, excellent loot bag.  But still.  You know what I mean.

 

 

What Kind of Commitment Do You Want from Your Self-Love?

 

The beauty of writing your vows is that you get to decide what kind of relationship you want to create for yourself, including all kinds of freedoms that other partnerships might not allow.  For example, my marriage to myself is an open marriage; it allows me to have other lovers or even other spouses so long as my marriage to myself is my first priority. 

 

I have promised to love, honour, nurture and cherish myself through good times and challenges.  Even when sometimes I want to give up.  Even when I want to kick my self love out of bed and tell it to sleep on the couch.

 

Optional Creative Activity:  Take yourself on a date to a cafe or park and journal about what kind of love you want from yourself.  What romance are you hungry for?  What support, encouragement, unconditional adoration do you thrive with?  What freedoms could you give yourself permission for?  It's a love affair you get to call all the shots in.

 

Optional Creative Challenge: Propose already!  Set the date!  Plan your very own wedding ceremony in a way that is meaningful for you.  You get to create what you want, and you get to make up all the rules.  You can even invite friends and family to celebrate with you.  You can even register for gifts.  Plan a honeymoon.  Buy or make yourself a commitment ring.  You can take this seriously, self love is a brave and powerful energy to step into.

 

Do let me know if you have already done this, or if you are planning to do this.  I would love to celebrate with you!

*This is a sample of my June Newsletter.  If you would like to receive News from the Drawing Board Studio you can sign up at the top right corner of my blog and get lovely posts like this along with information about upcoming events and workshops.  You can unsubscribe any time you'd like.

Crushing on K'NAAN

T.I.A.

This truly fantastic video was directed by Nabil Elderkin for the song T.I.A from the album Troubadour by K'NAAN.  I'm loving this musical poet so much these days, and I have to admit, I get a special sense of pride about beautiful art created in and around the unique cultural experience of Toronto. 

If you are having trouble watching, click here for K'NAAN's YouTube Channel, the same video will start up right away.

More mindful music that pumps up my body and spirit please!  Grazie.

Inspiration: No Girls Allowed

No Girls Allowed

Check out this great promo video for graphic novel "No Girls Allowed: Tales of Daring Women Dressed as Men for Love, Freedom and Adventure" written by Susan Hughes and illustrated by my friend Willow Dawson. This video is part of a series of profiles on graphic novelists and comic creators at Whazamo! Ontario Graphic Novel Month.

I love the little girl reading from the book. 

Tantra and Limitless Pleasure

I'd head all the stories about Sting and his 8 hour Tantra lovemaking sessions and thought, who wants to make love for 8 hours in a row?  Even with Sting?  I mean, really?

This past weekend I attended the Tantra Level One weekend workshop with the very celebrated Lucy Becker, who has had tons of fully deserved praise in the media for the powerful work she does in teaching Tantra and sacred sex.  I must say here that Lucy is a deeply awesome woman, and though I fancy myself a writer, I am at a loss for words when it comes to articulating the gift she is to the world.

Oh, and it's going to stay on this level of delicious love and delight here, which I need to address and say that though I feel like I am on a divine cocktail of mind-altering drugs, I really am in fact, high on life after my weekend with Lucy and the other Tantra workshop participants.

I have a feeling that Tantra will be a subject that comes up a lot here at The Drawing Board Blog, so enjoy the anticipation of future posts!  This learning was so expansive for me, and there is so much I could say about Tantra.  I will let you visit Tantra Workshops and read all about what Tantra is on Lucy's site if you want to know more.  Here I will share a sampling of what I am taking away from this incredible experience.

What Tantra has Given Me in Less Than 3 Days

• powerfully awakening to each of my senses
• feeling love flow through me effortlessly, and sharing that love with others free of hesitation from fear
• falling wildly in love with the world
• experience heights in pleasure that I had not even imagined
• being present to a deep heart connection that is available in each of us and sharing that boldly with others
• personal insights and breakthroughs that are life changing
• witnessing the insights and breakthroughs of other amazing human beings
• discovering a spirituality that I can fully embrace into every aspect of my life
• delighting in the state of delicious pleasure and expanding my tolerance for that kind of delight in every day
• feeling the freedom to be fully self expressed and knowing that I am beautiful
• feeling the energy of my root, sacral and heart chakras alive and energized in my body, and knowing that I can generate that energy anytime I choose
• laughing so hard
• waking up after the workshop is over to notice that the pleasure I have generated over the weekend is expanding, not fading away into the machine of Monday morning

How's that for a testimonial?  And really, I could go on and on.  I feel a shift in my energy that no amount of exercise could satisfy right now.  I feel like I am so delighted to be alive that I hardly know what to do with myself. 

Except of course, enjoy it. 

And if you live in or around Toronto and this sounds like it might not suck, I encourage you contact Lucy Becker about her delicious and life-changing workshops.  If you have any questions about my experience that you don't want to leave in the comments, email me.  I'm so inspired to share this with others.

Love Letters: Not Just For Paper Anymore

Get ready for it, I'm showing off.

Being a highly expressive individual, I've written my share of love letters.

They've been in the form of small pieces of art, extraordinarily detailed mixed tapes and even some performance pieces.*

* when I was around 11 or 12, my school bus dropped me off exactly 14 minutes before another yellow bus from another school would drive by and stop a few doors down.  A boy that I had a long time nervous crush on was on this bus.  Once I accidentally discovered this, I would wait every day for the full 14 minutes and then when I heard that yellow bus bouncing around the corner (the sound became Pavlovian to me) I began to pretend I was just strolling home at the same time.  All to get a glimpse of a certain boy, who would smile and wave to me from one of the back windows.

Though I was great at reinventing the love letter, I'm a sucker for the classic.  Handwritten, confessional, intimately and extravagantly expressed foolish love, delivered by mail or slipped under a door in the middle of the night.  Though it's hard to pick favourites (how can you separate the letter from the lover?) one of my best works was sent across the world in a handmade envelope I stitched together with needle and white thread (unrequited, by the way, which I think, gives it extra points somehow).  He had a girlfriend.  How was I supposed to know?

What does all of this have to do with a photo of my door frame?  Great question. 

This trim around my door frame, is a love letter to me.  It was designed and built by my very talented partner, who spent the last 4 and a half months drawing, building prototypes, templates, and finally, installing this gorgeous love letter in my creative space, just in time for our 6th anniversary together.

This is what my doorway looked like before:

I just realized how dark this photo is, almost like how the "before" photos for weight-loss makeovers have the person wearing some hideous colour and frowning like they got caught in the rain.  I did not do this on purpose. 

This love letter is an offering of extravagant beauty in the midst of a very long, organic and chaotic home renovation we have committed to.  It is a reminder of why we don't want to take the short cut and get things done faster.  We want to create our home and our relationship with meaning, dreaming big and committing to our shared dreams together. We want to be fully expressed, in our home, in our lives and in relationship to one another.

And before it actually gets permanently fixed to the door (right now it's resting in joinery, slightly uncommitted...living in sin?) he is going to write a message to me on the back of the triangle piece.  He knows how much I love handwritten things.

I love that we will both know a secret message is there, slipped between the doorway.

And we both love that many many years from now, long after we've gone, there will be a story to discover.

Got a love letter story?  I'd love to hear it.