the drawing board

Dancing Bones, Happy Heart

I have a question:  Where do you find Pleasure in Movement?

I'm saying "movement" and not "exercise" for a reason.  There are so many things that increase our heart rate, increase flexibility and build strength.  Lots of these activities are fun.  Exercise is not often thought of as fun, but more of something that we should do because it's good for us.  Nothing wrong with that, and certainly, whatever motivates you to treat your body well is excellent. 

I'm asking because what motivates me to do just about anything is pleasure.  And though I do enjoy the anticipated pleasure of how wonderful my body will feel in the sauna after a good hard workout at the gym, it takes a lot to get my butt into some lycra and hop onto a machine, or into a class, or pool.

Once upon a time I was beating myself up for not taking good care of my health.  Lamenting about how bad I am at eatting well and exercising, flossing my teeth and coming out of my annual physicals like I'd just been crowned Miss Uber Healthy Canada (by the way, if you are looking for a way to get healthier, beating yourself up is not the most efficient route to take).  I decided to stop trying to play a game I wasn't going to win and instead, invent a new game and make up my own rules. 

It all stemmed from the question, what are pleasurable things that make me feel healthy and alive and amazing? Answering this question gave me more than a list of things I could do to create that feeling of wellness.  It gave me options that were pleasurable, which meant I could create lifestyle changes that would be sustainable.

What surprised me was how much of these things had little to do with leafy greens and beach-bod-booty-camp.   So many things that made me feel healthy and alive looked a lot more like self care, treating myself with love and celebrating my body.  More on this in a later post...right now I'm talking about Movement.

So getting back to the Pleasure of Movement, I'd like to share with you three things I do for fun that also happen to be wonderful for my heart and health:

• Hula Hooping.  I love love love hooping!  This is really on my brain because it's sunny in Toronto and that means I can hoop barefoot in the parks with my friends, including the wonderful Allison Tarr of Positive Spin, who has taught me a fun thing or two on the beautiful hoop she made me.
• Dancing.  At a club, in my bedroom, at a fantastic event like Jamie Ridler's inspiring Groove Back, it doesn't matter.  Moving my body to music as much or as little as I feel like moving.  Dancing is awesome.
• Swimming.  The feeling of being in water, and the ways my body can squirm and sail around with so much freedom and flexibility is simply delightful.  Also delightful is the opportunity to imagine I'm a mermaid.  Very pleasurable indeed.

What are three ways you experience Pleasure in Movement?

Speaking of Pleasure, here are some yummy related videos to enjoy:

To watch a video of Allison rocking out with her SO MUCH FUN glow hoop, click right here. 

To watch a video Jamie made celebrating the first ever Groove Back event, click right here.  I'm wearing a long black skirt :)

And finally, if you also like to imagine you're a mermaid when you swim, perhaps this video tutorial on how to make your own mermaid tail will inspire you to turn the volume of that fantasy waaaaay up.  That's right.  Click right here.

Soundtrack and Harmony

I'm not surprised when things like this happen.  When the most rediculously fitting (and sometimes obscure) song starts to play in a public space, shifting the landscape of my experience into a new colour, a colour I can taste.  Or, even a few random songs but played in a certain order, like a combination that unlocks a story only my own heart knows. 

Do you know what I mean?

Sometimes it's one song that follows you, and plays in the most unexpected places.  Over and over again.  What is it trying to tell you?  It may be nothing more complicated than, I'm here. I'm still here. I'm still here. 

And so are you.

This is a personal experience, I know not everyone experiences music the same way.  Some people I know never listen to the lyrics of a song, while others clutch onto them as though each word were a single poem. 

Take my brother (please!--just kidding), my brother used to listen to music very LOUDLY when...well, actually, he has always listened to music loudly.  As a kid I would constantly hear his music through my bedroom wall.  I remember him playing the intro to his new favourite song until the triumphant moment when the bass kicked in.  And then stop.  And start the song over again.  5 counts of 8.  Stop.  Start again.

Over and over and over. 

He clearly loved that build up, and the satisfying blast of sounds coming together for the first time.  What parts of music are especially satisfying for you?

Here are some things that are true for me about music,

specifically, when it comes to music as a soundtrack to my life:

 

Music Brings Stories To Life

You know how penetrating moments in film glisten gorgeously with the swell of the perfect song, the haunting lyrics that play lightly over an ordinary day?  For me, music often delivers the emotional truth of what I'm looking at.  It mirrors what is going on that can't always be seen on the outside.

As music brings stories to life, it also stores them.  Music can hold memories of our life stories with such overwhelming clarity, bringing back times and places locked deeply away in our hearts and minds.  One song can unlock stories we've forgotten we had, and all the feelings and sensual memories that went along with it.  Pretty amazing, really. 

 

Music Is The World Of Emotion, Harmonizing Along The Melody Of Our Experiences

I have nothing to add to that truth.  I just feel it, so powerfully.

 

Music Heals

I use music as medicine.  Music is my very own apothecary in the form of an ocean, offering me endless choices. 

I can dip into it and pull out what I need.  I can dive into the roaring waves and let them throw me ferociously into the depths of my feeling. I can walk along the shore without getting my feet wet and be at peace with the silence of sand. 

You have this same musical medicine available to you.  But you know that of course.

And the beauty of this oceanic apothecary is that you can self medicate as you see fit.  Sometimes, if you are sad or angry, the best thing to do is suck all the poison out by listening to music even more sad or angry than you are in that moment.  Mirroring your own pain is a great way to let the emotions flow.  This past fall, when my partner and I split up and I knew I'd soon be leaving our beloved home, I played this heartbreaking song on repeat and I wept and wept and wept, releasing so much saddness.

Just as mirroring emotion can be healing, it can also be powerful to try the opposite approach, and dose on the emotion we want to create more of.  Music can wake us up, pump us up, turn us on, and apparently, move our bodies without us even knowing it.  Music can be irresistible. 

Music moves, and that is why I believe it to be so healing emotionally.  It helps our emotions travel, shake, groove and rise.  It takes us from a stuck place and brings us back into rhythms.  Music keeps our blood flowing.  Music is pulse.

Choosing My Own Soundtrack Reminds Me That I Am Always Choosing My Life

You can take a scene, say, you blowing out birthday candles or looking out the window of a train, and put any song to it.  You can change the mood, the story, the energy of every moment.  You can make it funny, ironic, bittersweet, sorrowful, euphoric, easy or delightful. Even if the music is in your imagination, you can select it, sing it to yourself, feel it.  It changes everything.  Soundtrack is a powerful element to any story.

As I imagine myself moving boxes out of my former home and into a storage space, I can try on different songs and see which one I want to move forward from.  There are no wrong answers, happy is not always better than sad.  What matters is that I get to be thoughtful and participate in my life.  The act of choosing my soundtrack is really an invitation to choose the kind of life I want to be living at any given moment; witnessing the birth of a child or folding my towels at the laundromat, this is all the stuff of life.

And Music Makes The Stuff Of Life Even More Beautiful.  Or, perhaps more accurately, it just helps me to see the beauty that is already there. 

One last truth about music today: Serendipitous Songs Weaving In And Out Of My Days Make Me Feel In Harmony With My Own Path.  I feel as though music is often used as a wink from the universe, letting me know I'm still warm.

What is true for you about music?  What songs are on the soundtrack of your life this season?

I'd love to hear from you.

Emotional Roller Coasters

Enjoy this video of Behemoth from the Front Seat Courtesy of BobbitMathews

Here We Go

The Emotional Roller Coaster is a metaphor most often used to describe a whole lot of ups and downs, dramatic twists and turns. I love actual roller coasters. Not so much the loops and corkscrews, I like the hills and the speed. They feel like waves, it feels like surfing and flying over wild rhythms of water.

After daring to strap into the Behemoth at Canada`s Wonderland and realizing that a 230 foot drop on a 75 degree angle at 77 miles per hour (that's 123.919 kilometers for us Canadians) was probably my limit, I began fantasizing about designing my own roller coaster. On my roller coaster there would be no death drop, no head-banging twists, no upside down. I would love a roller coaster that simply sailed, easy as the breeze, up and down and with nice winding turns, through gardens and forests and over water. If I designed this roller coaster, there would be artwork and playful installations of dreamy scenarios that delight my imagination. There would be no need for heavy bars and straps to hold me down. My roller coaster would pick up speed, and giddy-up and down a lot, but it would be relaxing. On this ride, you could just let your body go, feel it sailing, and smile instead of scream.

Back to the original metaphor though.

So I was thinking about what it means to be on an "Emotional Roller Coaster" and what happens when we get off (other than vomit)?

 

A Ticket To Ride

Emotions are always happening. We are always riding the waves, whether we know it or not. I think the reason why so many of us get the metaphor of the Emotional Roller Coaster is because sometimes it takes something extreme to jolt our attention towards what is going on for us emotionally.

​​And of course this metaphor will be different for each of us. What do roller coasters mean for you?  Do you squeeze your eyes shut and cling to the person next to you and wait until it's over? Do you throw your hands in the air and laugh? Do you yell profanities and curse everything but secretly love it? Do you line up again right after? Do you avoid roller coasters entirely? Do they make you sick?

For me, the Emotional Roller Coaster is about being out of control. Being strapped into something bigger than me, having no idea what direction I'm about to turn.  It is a time where being strapped in somehow is what I need to keep me safe. 

Sometimes I'm so terrified I can't even scream. Sometimes I've never felt more alive.

Even though for me it's about being out of control, I did line up and step into the coaster of my own accord. On some level, I chose this. On some level, I gave myself permission to surrender to this ride. I bought a ticket.

 

Thank You and (Don't) Enjoy the Ride

Yes, it's true, you may not always enjoy the ride.

But you might! Emotional Roller Coasters aren't just for scares and chaos, they can be full of joy and overwhelming bliss. The point is, if you are (metaphorically) squeezing your eyes shut and waiting for it to be over, or if you (metaphorically) never get on the ride in the first place to save yourself the discomfort, you not only will miss out on the chaos but you will also miss out on the bliss.

This is about letting go and feeling the ride.

 

Deeper Depths, Higher Heights

What I'm inviting you to consider is expanding your spectrum of emotions. Tolerating a wider expanse of feeling. And stretching into a life that is sensually potent, bursting with heart, vivid and bigger than what so many of us are accustomed to.  It's about being willing to feel in the first place, so we can experience deeper depths and and higher heights.

Why would anyone want to do that?  Good question.

 

I'm Going To Be Sick

What often surprises my clients who are new to coaching is that life coaching is not all about goals and action plans and big shiny futures (though that is a very big and fun part of it!)  I also take the time to provide space in my sessions to noticing and feeling what is going on. What is happening right now? How does it feel when things don't work out? What does it feel like when you have accomplished something that once seemed waaay out of your reach?  What do you deserve to be celebrated for this week?

What is the purpose of launching towards goal after goal in life if you are not also making space to fully experience their arrivals?   Isn't that like picking strawberry after strawberry and not stopping to taste how delicious they are?  What are you filling that basket for if not the glorious taste of a red strawberry?

Life is an experience. Feeling is where experience lives. Your precious life is so much more than a check list.

Life is in the laughter, the breath rattling in your truth, the pain of loss, the ecstacy of lovemaking, the pulsing of all that you are and the deliciousness of the world reflected in every teeny drop of water. Your sweat and tears included. 

At least, this is where life is for me.  I don't believe I am alone.

Life is the journey.  Life is the ultimate creative process.

 

Here Is Why Feeling Is Important:

Imagine a dream you have, or used to have, something that seems so over the top amazing and out of reach. Imagine that today, you look at your life and realize it has actually come true. You hold this precious dream in your hands. This is real, it is here. You made it happen.

You never thought this moment would arrive, and here you are. At this moment, you realize that anything is possible, You followed your heart, you took risks and were brave, and now, this dream is your life.

Do you blink, and look to see what is next on your list?

 

Is Your Heart Crying Out for Some Space to Simply Feel?

Connect with me. Let's make space together for your life to start flowing again. I'll strap myself into your roller coaster beside you and keep the focus of your dream even when you squish your eyes shut. Great news: I coach over the phone, so you can work with me no matter where you are. It is my pleasure to offer you a free 30 minute consultation to see if coaching with me is a good move for you.

Let's talk.

Email me at info@danetterelic.com and tell me what you need space for.

I'm here. 

Unapologetic Lady in Black

 

As much as I would love starting every post with some kind of disclaimer about where I've been and a link to previous posts about my break up with my partner of almost 7 years which lead to the loss of my beloved home, studio, and a whole lot of dreams that lived in all of those things, ahem, I'm going to start this post with what it means to be unapologetic.

As a Canadian, this is a radical concept.

But wait!  Even if you're not Canadian, there might be something here for you.

To decide to be unapologetic, is to stand for what you believe in and who you are. It's taking down the invitation sign for guilt and people-pleasing. That doesn't mean everyone is going to be happy and like you, but it does mean that it isn't your job to solve that problem.  In fact, it's deciding that people not liking you or what you do is not even a problem to solve! 

Even as I read what I just wrote, I'm thinking, um, yeah Danette.  This seems so simple and obvious when written down, but when I'm out in the world and surrounded by others, especially when what I stand for might make others uncomfortable, it's something I need to remind myself.

What I'm Unapologetic About Right Now

Grief.

I'm thinking about widows who wear black for an entire year after the loss of someone close to them.  The whole community knows they are in mourning, they have full permission to mourn for a whole year.  I remember when someone I cared about died last year and I actually hesitated about how much time I could spend away from work, about how much of a right I had to mourn the loss of her since I had not seen her or her family in years.  I didn't feel I had permission to be mourning this loss, and I felt oddly apologetic about it, which compounded my saddness a great deal.

We all have a right to feel grief.  Even if it's a pet.  Even if it's someone you haven't seen in years.  Even if it is a dream, and not a person, that has died.

I think our culture is uncomfortable with grief, and there doesn't seem to be space for it when it arrives.  It feels to me like we need to struggle to make space for it, or suck it up and smile.

What I'm Mourning Right Now

I'm mourning the loss of a whole family of dreams.  Big ones, tiny ones, I loved them all so passionately and cultivated their growth with loving dedication and faith.  I held them as tiny seeds, I slept beside them when it was stormy, I believed in them and in their futures.  It was also my future.

When One Change Starts a Revolution

When we make small changes in our lives, say, a daily habit of going for a morning walk or writing in a journal, it starts a wave of other changes.  I love that, how powerfully you can alter your life by taking one small step and doing one thing differently.

That means that when a big change happens, so very many other things are altered in your life.  The big change sends a domino effect in every direction, for better or worse, there are a lot of changes on the horizon when life takes a wide turn.

The offspring of changes that began when my partner and I decided to close our romantic relationship and move on are still pouring in.  This change has effected every area of my life, my work, my home, my relationships, my creativity, my spirit.  And I know this is only the beginning. 

The Arrivals Gate of Grief

It took some time and gentleness, but I arrived at a place where I am unaplogetic about grieving.  I will likely be grieving for at least a full year, as I move through the seasons and this new space for the first time, as I remember the final memories of my time with my beloved, in our crazy dream creation of home, with my garden and neighbours and with the life I thought was only just getting started.

Unapologetic Lady in Black

What I adore about life is that it is a naturally creative act.  Even though it may be unpopular, I get to choose what mourning looks like for me, and I get to choose how I want to create permission for it, express it, honour it as much as I would celebrate something joyful.  I can be unaplogetic about grief, and honour the truth of what I'm feeling.

What are you Unapologetic about?

What do you wish you were Unapologetic about?

I would love to hear from you.

Window in Your Heart

"...losing love is like a window in your heart 

Everybody sees you're blown apart 

Everybody sees the wind blow"

~Paul Simon, Graceland

The beauty of being smashed open is the light that pours through and reaches places that would never have seen a new day, had everything stayed in place, thickening with time. 

What I already kind of knew, and what is hitting home wave after wave, is that transitions don't happen in one single shot.  Like any powerful storm, there are quivers that dance like an opening number long before the curtains open and flood your world.  Like any powerful performance, the impact of emotional harmony can press deeply into your own body and live inside you, sprouting new growth long after you've left the theatre.

I'm still throbbing a little from a play I saw in my second year at the Ontario College of Art and Design, in Paul Baker's Into to Theatre class.  It was a one woman show at theTarragon Theatre here in Toronto. It was called Frida K.  I can confidently say that performance, the imagery and experience, has changed the entire course of my life.

Don't get me started on seeing Prince at Massey Hall.  Or this So You Think You Can Dance moment.

Anyway, you know what I mean.  Transitions.  They are living things.  They take up space.

They ripple out,ring after ring, until, they don't.

Gearing up to return to what I sometimes fool myself into calling "regular life" is kind of cute.  Waiting for the transtition to be over before peeking my head out into the sun means I could be hiding under my bed for a long time.  There is a concept in Nia (a beautiful movement practice involving dance, martial and healing arts) called "natural time".  I love this concept, and what it means to trust your body's own rythyms, your heart's own cycles and your spirit's own instincts.  There is a time to swaddle in comfort and rest, and a time to peek outside and see who's out there.  What has happened while I was snuggled indoors?  What surprises are here?  What is familiar?  What was waiting for me all along?

The key to embracing Natural Time is to be forgiving and loving about how things are unfolding for you.  Not beating yourself up for what you might have missed, but trusting that you have arrived exactly when you needed to.  And if you need to go back inside for another cat nap, delicious!  There is no judgement on your Natural Time.

What can you give yourself permission to be in Natural Time about in your life?  This week?  Today?

I'll keep you company :)

For those of you who have been hanging out on my porch while I've been tucked away, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Your warmth has been an invitation to come out and play when I'm ready, and knowing it has been there has made me feel less alone.  It is amazing what small gestures communicate. They too ripple out,ring after ring.

The Year Everything Changed

Clearing Out the Past

I don't know what your experience was, but from where I'm sitting 2009 seemed to be a year of challenging energy.  Life was plump with surprises, loss, death, break-ups, transitions, and monumental changes for so many of the people around me, myself included.

A friend of mine sent a message about his experience of 2009, which included this quote from Babylon 5:

"It was a year of fire,
A year of destruction,
The year we took back what was ours,
It was the year of rebirth,
The year of great sadness,
A year of pain...and a year of joy
It was a new age
...it was the year everything changed"

And it really hit home for me.  How about you? 

A Year of Fire Indeed

As I write this post, I am sitting in my beloved studio for the last time.  Most of my belongings have made their way to my new home, and the rest of them are scattered on the floor and in half-filled boxes.  To say that this transition of leaving my partner, this house, and the dreams we built together is a painful one would be an enormous understatement.  

For those of you who are regulars here at The Drawing Board, you know how deeply connected I am to Creative Self-Expression and Home.  You know how magical my studio has been for me in the past few years, so I'm sure you can imagine (and possibly relate to) this loss I'm experiencing.  My studio has served as a beautiful sanctuary for my heart and work and voice.  To be losing it right when I need it most is, depending on  your perspective, a kick in the teeth or a rich blessing. 

A year of fire? Destruction and great sadness?  Check, check, and check.

The beauty of fire is how it clears away the past, and cleans the ground for a new dance to begin.  Joy and rebirth surface far more powerfully when sorrow and death have had their time to shine.

What are you clearing out as you begin this new year?

What is being reborn for you?

Rebirth and Taking Back what is Yours

Answers to these kinds of questions may come quickly through from your belly to your lips, or perhaps they may slumber beneath your heart, marinating in wisdom and waiting for the right time to emerge.  Our bodies seem to know how much truth we are ready to hear. 

It is almost a kind of remembering of our highest selves, to see what is ours that needs taking back.  It is a way of claiming what is cherished by our spirits.  And as for rebirth, well, every birth story is different.  It's a process, and requires that you give a lot to yourself so that you have the strength to allow something new to move through you.

I am giving myself a lot of time and compassion these days, clearing space so that I may listen to my heart.  This is why there will be a break from regular blog features like Tantra Tuesdays and Self-Expression Springboards, and why the first thing on my to-do list is to take things off my to-do list.  The world is telling me in many ways to trust, to feel and to flow.  

With a blue moon, a new decade and a whole lot of fire clearing my way, I welcome January 2010 with a wide open heart.  I wish you a year of playfulness, discovery and deeply connected love, wherever you are on your path.

And if this was a year of fire for you too, know that you are not alone.

Awesome Feeling of Joy

I can't help but smile and feel the joy while listening to this song about an out of body experience.  A foot-tapping good time and reminder of how blissful it is to be grateful.

Self-Expression Springboards: You as a Book

Self-Expression Springboards

Catalysts for Creative Self-Expression Every Thursday with Danette

How Self-Expression Springboards Work:  Every Thursday I will provide a creative catalyst, a springboard to get you inspired.  My catalysts will invite your imagination, creativity and curiosity to find new ways of expressing yourself - and maybe discovering new things about yourself you didn't even know you knew!

It's Easy to Participate:  Take the Springboard of the week and yes, so whatever you want with it!  Create a response in any way you choose.  Drawing, painting, video, song, poetry, writing, collage, story telling, sound, silly putty....there are no rules to how you express yourself here.

Share what you discover on your blog and then add a direct link to your post in the box below.  This way other people can enjoy what you've created and you get to witness the creations of others.  It's amazing to see how beautifully different we all are.

I'll be here every Thursday with a new Self-Expression Springboard.  I hope you'll join me.

This Week's Creative Catalyst: If you were a book, what kind would you be right now?

This is not the be-all end-all "who are you?" question, this is just how you are, right now, in this moment.

In this moment, if someone asked you how you are feeling and you had to describe it using the metaphor of a book, what kind of book would you be?

A paperback beach read? A heavy dramatic work of dramatic fiction?  A self-help manifesto?  A book about organization systems?  A sacred text?  Is this a time of story or analysis?

How would the book feel in your hands?  What are the pages like?  Is this a new book?  A library book? 

Oh don't get me started on fonts!  You font-lovers, you know what I mean.

Any way you choose to respond is expressive. Use Self-Expression Springboards and see where they take you!

Tantra Tuesdsays: Guest Post at Magpie Girl

This week I'd like to direct you to Magpie Girl, a soulfully sparkly blog where I have been invited to do a guest post on Tantra and how to connect that energy to your creative work.  Thank you to Rachelle for the warm invitation to share Tantra with her readers!

You can read my guest post at Magpie Girl here.

For more information about exploring Tantra in and around Toronto, contact the lovely Lucy Becker of TantraWorkshops.com.  Lucy is a masterful Tantra teacher with the gift of creating a safe space for powerful growth and learning.  If you are curious about what Tantra can do for you, reach out to Lucy for a conversation.  You can connect with her at 416.489.0557

Ten Sweet Minutes

Sweet Dreams by Kirsten Lepore