the drawing board

Crafting up a Snowstorm in Style

These are two "Snowgirls" I crafted as gifts for my mom and mom-in-common-law a couple of years ago.  I love making things, and the holiday season is often an inspiring time to get crafty.

I have several friends who are regular vendors at the One of a Kind Christmas Show  here in Toronto, and I am a regular visitor.  The last bunch of years I have gone with a small tribe of girlfriends who share my passion for rituals around creativity and inspiration.  Some of us aspire to one day have our own booth at the show.  I fantasize about it every year.

I have been thinking a lot about my Style Statement journey, and for me, going the the One of a Kind show really sealed the deal on my foundation word.  I paid attention to what threads link all the items that make me swoon.  Be it vinegar, art, toys, ceramics or fashion, what is it about those things that tug at my purse strings?

This journey of uncovering my Style Statement has been a tremendous endeavor.  I had my Style Statement done by Carrie McCarthy almost a year ago, and had a mixed reaction of authenticity liberation and identity constipation.  I resonated radiantly with my edge word, Beauty.  I sat and wiggled around in my foundation word, Current, for months.  It was like walking around in a shoe store, trying to make a decision on a pair of boots that are so close, but not quite.

That spring, Style Statement was launched in the form of a book.  I picked up a copy and began working through it, which was an addictive exploration for many months.  For personal growth lovers like me, this book is a slow chew.

I am feeling pretty solid on my new foundation word, but because this journey has been a rocky one for me (I have been trying on many pairs of boots), I'm going to keep it under my gorgeous hat for now.  It's still a little tender, and not up for visitors.

Here is what I loved about the things that I loved at the One of a Kind Christmas Show:

• hand made, well crafted
• quality, often natural, materials or ingredients
• delicious colour, and/or exquisite textures
• the shape and feel of the packaging/labels/booth etc.
• clever, useful and beautiful design
• sensual, feminine, earthy, heavy
• musical and playful
• sexy, contemporary fusion

The only downside to going to the show is that every year it reminds me of all the creative seeds I have planted that remain uncultivated in various journals, boxes and bags.  I get so excited about the things that inspire me, and then I get the time-and-money blues.  It's like being at a buffet of all your favourite foods.  There is so much to take in, so beautifully displayed, for a moment I am fooled into believing that the vendors all have perfect lives in little wood doll houses stitching away at their craft with a (hand made ceramic) mug of tea in studios that look like the set of Martha Stewart's television show. 

I should know better. 

The good in all of this is having too much inspiration to carry.  That is the best kind of flurry.  I seldom fear I will ever run out of creative ideas.

Remind me of this when I write about how I am afraid I will run out of creative ideas.  (wink)

Day 28: Full Circle

Day 28: Full Circle

Shannon just sent me this fantastic short film called Yellow Sticky Notes. It is so fantastic I had to share it. Take 6 minutes, and enjoy.

This reminds me of how time is marked by the details of our day to day existence, and how beautiful those details can be. The details of this past month have been blogging and connecting to Soul Coaching kindreds, buying play clay, listening to podcasts, joining a gym, leading workshops and making art.

The world was spinning around, Obama was elected, rights were taken away from my friends in California, wars continue and many of my loved ones lost their jobs. But I bought a new journal, met friends for brunch and got new headphones to enjoy music.

It has been an honour to witness all of your journeys in Soul Coaching. It has been so touching to have you reach out to me and comment on my own journey. Just knowing this was a shared experience felt supportive to me, from all of you, not just those who were posting. I am struck by the warmth from this community, and how generous you all are with your own hearts.

Thank you Jamie, for making this magic happen!

Day 27: Creating a Fabulous Future

"My Future is Filled with Joy Love and Peace!"

Creating is a very important word when you talk about creating your future.  Do you remember that little cartoon about Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings and how the things he drew came true?  Well, that really is true.  I have been creating a fabulous future for years. 

This life I'm enjoying right now?  I used to draw this life, and dream of this life in stories and images in my journal.  I would spend my lunch breaks on the rooftop of a factory where I worked savoring the dream of having a beautiful old Toronto home with hardwood floors, a fire place, a porch and a studio.  I dreamed about creating work for myself where I would be free to express myself in any way I choose, and a workspace that I could design to be like a fantasy tree house studio.  I dreamed about the kind of woman I might be, and the kind of relationships I'd have.  I dreamed about being in Frida Kahlo's house.  I dreamed about leading workshops and creating with others.  I'm doing all this now.

I've been doing this so long, I think I'm actually doing it all the time.  Thinking about possibility, imagining what would be the best case scenario, brainstorming fantasy outfits, adventures, ideas, spaces and scenarios.  Because so much of the time, my dream has been outdone by the magic of the universe.  It's ture, sometimes things happen and it is so much more than I'd dared to dream.

It's a lot like the kind of fantasizing you may have done along with me as a child.  Just walking to the park, but in your mind, you were a warrior, a rock star, a detective, a mermaid.  Okay, maybe when you were a mermaid you were in your neighbour's pool.  But maybe not.  That kind of imagination can be turned on secretly at any moment.  And speaking of secrets, I'm going to tell you one right now:

Sometimes, when I'm on the streetcar, I imagine I'm Queen Latifah.

And I don't care what anyone thinks about that.  I'm feeling gooooood on that streetcar.

And I carry that with me through the day.

It's a hell of a lot better than carrying someone else's anxiety around all day. 

The possibilities are endless when it comes to your imagination.  And whether you believe it or not, what you imagine has it's sneaky little impact on your life. 

So, who will you be?  You can be anything. 

Days 24-26: Strength, Rhythm and Home

The rhythm of my own life seems to pull me like a tide away from my systematic approach to Soul Coaching.  It began with Fire and even now through Earth, my relationship to this experience is growing into a more powerful abstraction in parallels instead of a daily dose of reflection and personal growth.  I feel like I have become so full. 

There has been synchronicity every day, and even if that is all I notice, that synchronicity is potent enough to work it's way through my psyche and leave me feeling like I've spun out from a dream by the end of the day.

Day 24 reminded me about the power of carrying my body and how it can impact how I interact with the world, which came on a day where I was leading a workshop for the first time with a group of strangers much larger than what I am accustomed to leading.  There were many elements that were new to me in that experience, and it was wonderful to remember to connect with my body and tap into my strength from the outside in.  I felt grounded by my contact to the floor, I felt tall in my spine, I felt warm in my belly and open to connecting with others.

Day 25 was a storm of a day for me emotionally, and my physical body gave way to this force and demanded my attention and tenderness.  Reminded of my inner rhythms, I felt calm in this storm, and was comforted by the knowledge that these rhythms have wisdom and deserve to be trusted.

Day 26 was today.  In caring for the storm of yesterday, I took shelter in my studio and made art.  My studio is home for me, inside my home.  It is an alter that houses my process, the creative process of art making as well as the creative process of my own life.  This is where my rhythms were calling me to, they were calling me home to my studio. 

The intensity of this experience is still unraveling, but it has been an awakening to the necessity of self expression and the healing powers of art making.  On the day of my storm, I managed to make my way to my expressive arts therapy class at ISIS, and was welcomed in with my sadness without judgment, without smothering or fixing.  I was welcomed with my sadness as much as I would be welcomed with my joy.  I embrace this, am grateful for it, and seek to create a world where the entire spectrum of being alive is valued and honoured. 

We are not fragments, we are whole.

Fragments are useful for getting close to each part and taking a good look at the details, but those fragments are never separate from the whole of who we are.

We each contain the universe.

Day 23: Mermaids Rock

I loved pretending I was a mermaid when I was a kid.

It was long before the movie Splash, but of course, when that came out I went ga-ga.

There was something so free about imagining I was a mermaid.  I loved my hair snaking around me in slow motion under water, looking like silk.  I loved to keep my ankles tightly together and see how fast I could go with small fluttering motions, my arms trailing softly by my sides.  The idea of never wearing clothing, except of course for the odd piece of jewelery made from shells, was so delicious to me.

I can't imagine mermaids ever hating their bodies.

I can't say I'm totally down with doing the SC exercises so far in Earth Week, though I am definitely taking the focus and applying it in a way that feels good for me.  I love how Jamie explored yesterdays focus by listing the things she has learned about / from her body.  That got me thinking about my own body, and what I know about her.  I think that is a lovely exercise for anyone to do.  Thanks Jamie.

I know that I need to trust my body more. 

My body holds things until I am ready to deal with them. And though that is very nice of her, if I don't deal with these things they just pile up like dishes and I have to deal with them later.  It's always best to rinse your dishes right away. 

My body is beautiful and magical.  Sensitive and intelligent.  She houses me, and like all houses, she thrives with attentive upkeep, maintenance and love. 

Here is an exercise I love and recommend:

If any of you are familiar with Julia Cameron's Morning Pages, this is a similar practice.  I call it The Body Pages.  This is a great way to begin your day.

It is similar to the Morning Pages, or any other journal practice for that matter, except these pages are just for your body.  Sit down at your computer or with a pen and just begin writing about how your body feels in that moment.  What aches, what feels good, what feels better than yesterday, what is hungry, etc.  It is a wonderful way to get present, because your body is always present.  It is also a wonderful way to get to know your body.  I find that it strengthens my ability to receive messages from her and stay connected to what is really going on. 

In addition to that, it is a pretty amazing record to keep, if you want to check back and see how your body has changed (allergies that come and go, a pain that is no longer with you) or what patterns your body is keeping and how that might correlate to your environment, stresses you are under, or the cycles of the moon.

When I go swimming, I almost always pretend I'm a mermaid.  Just for a moment.

If you share this secret, you are going to love this!  It is on my list of future craft projects, here is Sasha, and her awesome step-by-step video of how to make your own mermaid tail!

And here she is, swimming in her tail.  So beautiful.  Sigh.

Day 21: Fanning the Flame of Creativity

"Incredible Creative Life Force Flows Through My Entire Being."

Well, I gotta say, farewell to fire.

I thought I'd love fire, but somehow this week of Soul Coaching fell a little flat.  It was cold, it was busy, and I found myself uninterested in posting.  I guess I was sort of putting out fires elsewhere. 

I have been engaged in my relationship with creativity right from birth, but it is not lost on me how important it is.  I see so many people who have lost that connection to their birthright of art making and that is what drives the work I do with coaching and leading creative workshops.  I am blown away by other cultures where art making, singing, dancing and storytelling are simply a part of being human, and not just something that "artists" and "dancers" do. 

I am very excited to be leading a workshop for the staff of a local company this Tuesday with a colleague and kick ass girlfriend.  We had a meeting yesterday in my studio and she accidentally knocked my Free Body sculpture off the wall, which cracked and broke in 4 places.  She felt really bad, and said she ruined my sculpture.

I told her that it was okay and that she didn't ruin it, she changed it. 

This is the heart of creation.  It is a cycle.  Birth, Life, Death, Rebirth.  It is always a process, like a river that rushes.  You can dip in and out anytime, and each time it is a different river you step into.  You are never finished creating, whether you do it consciously or not, you are creating everyday. 

So my creative act today was an expressive funeral of the Body sculpture, in the petals of a peony that shattered on it's own overnight, offering itself for the service.  The orchids had also begun to bleed and  so they joined in.  I think these funeral shots are my favourite photos of the Free Body, and I never would have taken them if my friend had not changed her by knocking her to the floor.

A creative funeral is the perfect ending to Fire week. 

Day 19: Facing Your Death / Embracing Your Life

"I live in the present moment with courage and love."

Today I was talking to a friend and out of nowhere, he asked me if I had a will.

He started talking about death and something he saw on the Discovery channel about how you could have your ashes turned into a diamond, for a pretty price of course.  He was concerned about cremation because, what if you feel it?

I said you don't feel it.  But then, how do I really know that?

So then I said, well, if it's true that you might feel it, then wouldn't you rather feel yourself being burned for 4 hours instead of feeling trapped in a heavily lacquered box in a suit with your lips stitched together while people throw dirt on you?  That could take a lot longer than 4 hours.  His face looked pretty horrified then so I said, I really don't think you feel it.

At dinner tonight I found myself saying that if I only had a week to live, I might slam my face down in my friends soup, just because it would be so funny. 

I realize I've said things like that before.

And it is always about doing something outrageous and comical.  Slightly illegal, mostly just peculiar behavior.  Nothing drastic or noble, just little things that are unexpected and perhaps delightful.  Things involving public fountains, dancing, pouring affection on perfect strangers and slapping my face down in someone else's cake. 

Why do I have to wait before I have a week to live before I slap my face down in someone else's cake?  What if I die suddenly, and never slap my face in cake?

I have days where I am very peaceful about the possibility of death, and other days when I panic about not reaching my potential.  Some days I wonder about the impact of my death on random things, like who will want my painting of Frida and who will end up with it?  Will there be someone who really wanted it more and was too uncomfortable to seem greedy and insensitive by asking for it?  Will everyone find it creepy and end up putting it in storage somewhere?  Will people read my journals and think I was actually an awful person?  What would happen to my blog?  Will Colin have the Halloween party the following year?

It's mostly not death that upsets me when I feel upset by it.  It's powerlessness and suffering, dying emotionally and giving up before you actually leave your body. 

I feel a surge of energy around death, and I've learned to keep that respectfully quiet.  When I am around death, I feel the screaming silence of life.  I feel fearless and timeless and bursting with love and integrity.  I don't put up with crap, and I feel like the world has given me permission to act on every whim that feels true to my heart. 

I feel like death in your life is permission to behave however you want, it is the only time where no one can judge you.  It is like a free pass to ultimate authenticity.  Each time, I try to take a piece of that energy with me, and hold it deep inside, like a flame.

Day 18: Staying Present / Saying Yes to Life

"I invite the pure light of the sun into my heart.  May it shine from my heart to the world."

Denise really spoke to me today.  When she talks about being diagnosed with cancer and responding by asking why didn't I take better care of myself?, I exhaled.  This is how I stop myself, by placing too much value on the answer to that question.

Fire week is proving to be peculiar, because the house is so cold, as cold as the plunge pool at Body Blitz Spa.  We are always moving our renovation forward, but I guess we did something this summer that is sucking out a lot of heat.  With houses this old, it's always fun guessing.  In the meantime, our pillows felt like ice last night, even though the house temperature was at 21 degrees.  I don't get it. 

Oh, and that leak we had last year that seemed to stop in the summer?  It's back with flooding ambition.  I guess the cold is shrinking some wood and letting water come from wherever it's coming from, into our kitchen through the ceiling.  A delayed message from Water week?  Possibly.  But that does not make it any less annoying.  The sound of water hitting the bucket sounds like sadness to me, the sound of being unloved.

So I'm not feeling a whole lot of warmth these days in Toronto, but I am thinking about it, focusing on it, obsessing over it.  That is how fire is present in my week.  With longing.

It is a gift to focus today on staying present, when things are changing around us so much, it is frightening to stand in the mouth of uncertainty.  If we stay present, there is so much to be grateful for.  From being present, dreaming of what is possible from here seems more available somehow.  It is difficult to see what is possible when I am focused on fear.

I am presently wishing for more warmth, grateful for my love and health, and hungry for a late breakfast.

I am presently happy with the memory of last night's Playlab and all the wonderfully warm women who came to my creativity workshop.  That felt like the closest thing to fire, a cozy circle of open hearts with hot chocolates and oil pastels on the table.  I did not feel cold then.

I am presently listening to distant birds, the sound of warm air pushing through the floor vent, feeling the frigid floor through my socks and loving how I am being quiet to let my honey sleep in today.  I have to be extra quiet, because the door to my studio has not been put back on.  It is downstairs in the hallway by the kitchen, presently.

I do choose all this.  Not for the sake of an exercise, I really do.  I have never once regretted buying this house and all the work we have chosen to put into it.  Even as we huddled in bed last night trying to get warm, we talked about how we never regret this decision.  This house was meant to be ours, and I couldn't imagine us anywhere else, but right here.

Day 16: Taking Risks (Fear and Fun)

" I am free to experience joy in every moment...no matter what is happening in my life."

I skipped yesterday.

I always like to "play full out" with my writing, I realize and accept this about myself.  It takes time, this deliberate arrangement of words. 

I had a discussion with my grade 11 English teacher about this.  We had an in-class exam, which was to write an essay and hand it in before the bell.  After the bell rang, I had an introduction, and most of the first paragraph completed.  He said it was one of the best introductions in the class, but that he couldn't mark an incomplete essay. 

That's just the way I write, I said.  I felt that the method of testing was flawed, because clearly I knew my shit.  What did it matter if I could write an essay in an hour?  What kind of job was that preparing me for?

What I'm saying is, not posting yesterday was was a choice that took a little encouragement from my pact to be gentle with myself...it's okay if you don't post today Danette.

Right, so yesterday I thought about level one and two but jumped right into level 3, Take Action: 

I joined a gym (bursting, thundering applause).  Thank you, thank you.

I found Allison's post thought provoking, when she pointed out that a list of fears is not the same as a list of things that normally cause anxiety on any given day.  I'm still mulling over the things that stop me, and seeing which ones are fears and which ones are something else...

Today I played at level one and HAD FUN!  I had a meeting this morning with a new colleague to prepare for a creative self-care workshop we are facilitating to a large group of employees at a local company.  We sat in a diner and ate breakfast listening to retro tunes while sketching out our ideas in a playful relaxed way. 

This is the kind of future I once dreamed about:  I am doing important work that is meaningful and creative, getting paid well for it and working together with kindred spirits in a fun way on our own time.  It's here, the dream is today.  When dreams of yesterday become today, I get really excited about today's dreams.

I ended the day with more fun by re-watching the fantastic skit from Saturday Night Live this past weekend with Beyonce and Justin Timberlake.  Did anyone see that?  Oh man, I've been sitting through a lot of dry SNL skits to get to that one, and it was worth it.  For some reason they didn't post it on the SNL Website, but if you try to google it you might catch it before they yank it down again.  I really wish that NBC would just let me select my very own "best of" skits from the entire season.  I would pay per skit.  There were so many gems that never made it into the archives. 

Laughing is good.

I have no problem laughing.

I have a problem stopping.

Marijke, you know what I'm talking about.

Kreativ Blogger

Wheee!  A delight to be nominated for the Kreativ Blogger Award by Jamie!

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

6 Random Things About Danette:

• I can drink coffee at night and sleep like a baby.  I think it's my Italian blood.
• I had my tongue pierced for 10 years.
• I was co-captain of my high school cheerleading squad.
• Though I lamented how I could never find shoelaces and stickers with the name Danette on them as a kid, when I lived in Florence I discovered something that far exceeds name stickers any day.  Check this out!
• I get ridiculously and irrationally competitive over games of chance (board games and card games that are based on luck and randomness).  Parcheese anyone?
• I am currently writing a Harlequin Spice novel.

I Nominate:

• Allison
• Ella
• Kristi
• Fay Grimm
• pen*
• Beautiful Witch